29th November a Sunday.
I wanted to write this down. Writing helps me think. I wonder what will happen to me now. It’s funny. In here like any other penitentiary I get free pen and paper supplies. It makes me laugh! How pathetic and unrealistic my life is NOW! Pretty shaken up five minutes before with all the drama regarding my sentence. But now I am kinda numb.
Why did I get into this mess in the first place? Beats me! Was it the fact of knowing I’m adopted? Was it to save Elister out of the mess he was in with his parents because of me? Did it all start when I went to that coffee shop instead of going to the class? In all fairness I didn’t really feel like listening to that boring lecture for three hours! Now that I think of it, I’m not at all sorry for not going to class! This isn’t one of those moments when the character in the story starts feeling guilty and learns a lesson! No! I’m pretty sure however far this goes I won’t feel sorry for ditching that god forsaken awful boring class! I’m in this mess cuz I was dead bored of my life. So it was either this or suicide! That’s a bit dramatic but I’m certain that is what would await my boredom. Yeah!
Now I’m rotting in this cell, waiting for the inevitable! Come to think of it, how are they going to do it? Hang me? Burn me? Dose me with some lethal drug? I’m immune to any of those things. How DO they kill their condemned? They are immune to the common ways of humans too.
Are they gonna throw into some magnanimous lava or something? I think I would get irritated by the heat but not sure if I’d die!
But the fact that my mother was a Sorkh and my dad was a Zard, would make it a lot harder! They have ways of killing the competitive race! Sorkhs can kill Zards and vice versa. But I’m immune to both sides! I guess that’s why interracial marriage was so illegal. They couldn’t possibly control the offsprings. Being one of them, the only one I know of! Ever! I feel both special and wronged! I both adore my parents for their rebellious zeal and hate them for leaving me alone with these loonies! They are so afraid of losing their power which was kept from the beginning of the earth that they do not want this comfy situation changed. Obviously they feel threatened by me. I’m sarcastically honored! Though it makes me feel a bit better knowing they are scared! I’m smiling right now. Am I becoming mad? The kind of madness you see in desperate people? I hope not.
Well it won’t matter anyway. I’m about to die anyway. It does make deciding about your behavior a lot easier! You don’t have to worry about consequences cuz you’re not around to receive them! I’m smiling again.
Enough writing for today. I’m terribly tired. Today’s proceedings at court was tiring!
I’ve got half a year till my death. So I guess I’ll have enough time at my disposal to finish these notes. What to do with them, I’m not certain yet.
Zohre over and out!
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